omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
