So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
