I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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