Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
