i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
