You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
whose parrot is this?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
