Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
