I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
