Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize