You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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