He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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