I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
