I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
