What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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