She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
