Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
