hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
