I accidentally burped into my bong.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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