You smell like a Billy Joel song
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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