so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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