I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
