i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
