So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize