At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
