i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
