the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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