She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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