Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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