I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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