Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
