ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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