Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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