we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
