your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
