I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize