My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude i'm inner monologue high
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
