So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
