I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize