Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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