Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
tell me about the eggs
Randomize