Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize