My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My balls are so social today.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
