Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize