so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
