He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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