Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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