If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
