I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
