I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
