Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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