No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
