Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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