Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
