Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
