just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There's always time for handjobs
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
