i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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