sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
