i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize