Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
