there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
