people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
