Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
