apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize