you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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