is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
