You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
